When I first presented the idea of foster care to my husband he immediately said, “no thank you!” We then had a serious conversation about and he agreed to pray about it. At the time I was a Caseworker, investigating Abuse and Neglect referrals for a county in our area. My stories were less than encouraging and this made not only me but my husband very nervous.
Working with children who have been exposed to trauma is on its best day difficult.
We already knew it would be difficult we just didn’t understand how difficult it would be.
It’s like learning to drive. When you are a passenger you sit and just take it all in. When you are sitting in this spot in the car you aren’t responsible for anything really. Once you make the decision to learn how to drive, you go through all of the necessary steps to learn the operation of the car and the rules of the road.
Next comes driving with a trusted licensed driver. At first it is tricky but it doesn’t take long before you feel like you have a handle on it. Finally, it’s time to take the test. You’re nervous but you do it and you pass! You are officially licensed to drive alone. Although not totally comfortable you know you can do it.
Now equate getting your driver’s license with having a child. There were a lot of unknowns and you were not confident but as you worked through each difficulty with your child, you were able to gain mastery in certain areas.
Being like a foster parent is similar.
As a Caseworker I had witnessed things that were deeply troubling .
Imagine the same scenario when you were first able to drive alone as a licensed driver, only this time there is a major snow storm. The stop lights are all out, and there is a thick sheet of ice under freshly fallen snow.
Trauma is a beast and there is no way of predicting how it will affect a certain individual. More over, as the foster parent you are on the outside and you have no point of reference for the child’s triggers. Half the time you don’t even know their story. Meaning, you could be having a perfectly wonderful time with your foster child and they may hear, smell, or see something that triggers a memory and before you know it the child reacts in a way that is not congruent with the situation. The bottom line is there is a difference between knowing and knowing. You can read about a particular subject at length, and you can practice something until you are blue in the face, but until you go through something you will never fully know it. My husband knew this and I knew it at a different level.
No one is you
and that is your Power
My decision to leave the work came out of my own secondary trauma. Now I wanted to bring it into my home, and I was asking my husband to come along with me.
Join me on this journey as my family and I help the least of these!
Keep doing good
